


Decisions

by jfd2403



Category: SKAM (Italy), SKAM (Italy) RPF
Genre: Elippo, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:21:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21538936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jfd2403/pseuds/jfd2403
Summary: This is based off the idea that even if the choices we make affect the small things in our lives, the big, important events will happen unchanged. In this 10-chapter story, Elia is destined to meet Filippo today but the different paths he chooses to take will determine at which time and place this will happen.
Relationships: Elia Santini/Filippo Sava
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26





	1. The Text Message

His mouth is dry, he needs a drink. This feeling brings him back to last night, when he walked through the door at the party, his mouth salivating, craving a cold beer. Beer is not what he needs this morning, though; he needs water.

“Water”, Elia groaned in bed. “I need some water.”

The room is pitch black; the heavy curtains are closed. Did he prepared, like he sometimes does, for the hangover by leaving some water out last night? With the intensity with which he rushed out to party probably not. Without wasting a second when he got the chance, he ran out of his bedroom as fast as he could. The same bedroom where he had spent the past week secluded, studying non-stop. There zero chance he remembered to leave some water out.

“Ugh,” he loudly groans at the realization that he will either have to get up to get some water or stay in bed, hangover, wishing he was drinking water.

 _“Why is life so hard? Why can’t there be water here when I’m feeling like this? I’ll use my phone’s flashlight to check if there’s some here before I get up and get some from the kitchen…where’s my phone though?”_ Elia thinks, eyes closed, blindly looking for it under the covers. _“Oh, I’m my jacket, that’s right. Ugh… where’s my jacket?”_

He rolls over, half of his torso hanging from the bed. There it is, there’s his jacket on the floor at arm’s length, how lucky. With minimal effort he manages to pull it up as he lies back down. He feels its pockets, weirdly he finds two of them.

_“Shit, I accidentally took Marti’s phone again. He’s going to kill me.”_

Marti has the bad habit of leaving his phone lying around and drunk Elia has the bad habit of always mistaking it as his and taking it without realizing they’re not even the same brand. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now.

Sure enough, the other one is Martino’s. Low battery, no new notifications or missed calls, Marti probably hasn’t even noticed it’s missing yet.

 _“I should text Nico to tell him that I have Marti’s phone with me”,_ Elia thinks. _“But first, some water.”_

One loud grunt, as both feet hit the floor, is followed by an even louder grunt as he stands up, suddenly feeling dizzy. He remains still, giving the ground some time to stop moving. Why does he keep putting himself through this? Was last night epic enough to make this morning worth it? Elia can’t seem to recall if it was, which usually means it wasn’t. Blacking out happens when he overdrinks as a consequence of being bored, which he is not when he manages to find someone to make out with. He probably was alone, bored and wasted; it wasn’t worth it, he decides.

 _“How did I get home?”_ Elia wonders. _“Luca left early and Marti looked annoyed at Nico. Marti is unable to focus on anything else besides Nico when they’re fighting so that leaves Gio, who didn’t drink last night. He probably helped me get back-”_

Ping!

The sound of a notification interrupts his thoughts and brings him back to the present. It takes him a half a second to process he is still standing over the bed, staring at the wall not realizing the dizziness has been gone for a while.

Ping!

That sound again. From where he’s standing he notices Martino’s phone lights up with new notifications on the screen. Elia looks down to check but the dizziness comes back.

“Fuck,” Elia curses under his breath, undecided if he wants to risk feeling worse by bending over to check the text messages or if it’s a better idea to ignore it and just continue on his way to the kitchen. The messages might be important though. On one hand, he knows he shouldn’t read Marti’s texts but, on the other hand, it might be Marti himself texting from Nico’s number. What to do? He is unsure, but he does know water comes first.

 _“Water,”_ Elia tells himself.

Ping!

“Ugh fine!” Annoyed, Elia turns around and grabs the phone and checks the locked screen.

09:06 Filippo: Good morning!

09:06 Filippo: I know it’s early but I need to know if we’re still meeting for brunch.

09:07 Filippo: Marti, I’m hungry and I don’t want to starve myself if there’s a possibility you could cancel last minute. Stop ignoring me and answer my texts!

It’s Filippo.

Confident and handsome Filippo. Elia has had his eye on him for months, ever since he first saw him at the Christmas party. That night he tried to talk to Filippo but he never got the courage to approach him. It might’ve gone better if Elia had managed to do more than just casually stare from far away, looking away at Filippo’s slightest move. That night, Elia waited for the right time to go up to him when he was alone, but the moment never happened. Eleonora never left his side and, truth be told, Elia was unsure he was brave enough to handle the awkwardness of hitting on a guy with his friends there. Noted extrovert and party animal Elia Santini was not so confident when it came to Filippo. Looking at him makes him nervous, talking to him makes him nervous, the idea of having to come out as bisexual to his friends while he’s trying to get a guy’s phone number at a party makes him nervous. It wasn’t worth it; it was better to just admire Filippo from afar. And he did.

But he is neither at party or surrounded by his friends right now. Replying to these texts from the safety of his own room might be the perfect opportunity to finally talk to him. Elia stares blankly at the locked screen as he sits down on the edge of the bed. There’s only 4% left on Marti’s phone, time is ticking and whatever his next move is, he needs to make it quick.

09:12 Marti: Hello Filippo, it’s Elia, Marti’s friend. I accidentally took his phone last night. He’s staying with Nico I think. Maybe you could try calling him?

His heart starts to pound harder. This is his first proper interaction with Filippo. Still on the bed, he alternates from looking down at the phone and staring straight ahead at the wall.

 _“Breath Elia, breath,”_ he says to himself rubbing his sweaty hands together. 

_“Water”,_ he suddenly remembers. He quickly gets up and walks out towards the kitchen; Marti’s phone tightly in his hand. Inside the kitchen, he carefully lays the phone on the counter, right in the middle of the room so he can see if Filippo responds from every corner of the kitchen. Anxiously, without bothering to close the fridge, he chugs a tall glass of water, never letting the phone out of sight. He drinks another one still watching it out of the corner of his eye like a hawk.

Ping!

He slams the unfinished glass of water on the table and stands up to grab the phone, abruptly throwing the chair back. It hits the floor and a loud bang echoes inside the silent apartment. 

09:15 Filippo: “Elia? Are you the small blonde or the brunette with the sexy lips?”

Elia blushes.

“The brunette with the sexy lips.” He reads out loud, repeating it a second time with his eyes open wide. “The brunette with the sexy lips.”

What is he supposed to answer to something like that? Now, more than ever he is relieved this conversation didn’t happen in person at a party. There’s no way he would be able to keep his cool if this is how Filippo talks to someone he just first met.

“Shit, what do I say?” Elia panics. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

09:16 Marti: “I’m not the small blonde one.”

Elia sits down, waiting for a reply. It comes immediately.

09:16 Filippo: “So you’re sexy lips then. Why didn’t you just say that?”

09:16 Marti: ”I can’t refer to myself as **sexy lips**.”

09:17 Filippo: “Fair enough haha”

He’s grabbing the phone with both hands now, anxious, waiting. His eyes move rapidly across the screen. 3% of battery. Only 3% left? He needs to be quick

09:18 Marti: “So you’re meeting him for brunch? Where are you going? I could meet Marti there and give him back his phone.”

There. That’s the perfect excuse to see him. The typing bubble appears.

 _“This is working,”_ Elia proudly grins.

09:19 Filippo: “I don’t know, that’s why I texted him. We never decided on where to go.”

09:19 Filippo: “I’ll tell you something, I can call Nico, find out and I can text you to let you know.”

09:19 Marti: “That sounds great but Marti’s phone is about to die.”

2% left now. Elia’s hands are sweating. His long-awaited conversation with Filippo will be cut short because of Marti’s crappy phone.

09:20 Filippo: “Give me your number then.”

Success! His eyes widen as the air leave his lungs.

Elia sweaty, uncoordinated hungover hands begin to quickly type, hoping the message will send before the phone dies. He presses send and the screen goes black.

“Fuck!” Elia protests out loud.

Did it go through? Probably not. He needs to charge this damn phone but he’s certain his charger won’t work with Martino’s phone. Elia rushes back to his room, forcefully opening the curtains, letting some light in so he can find the charger. He picks it up from the floor by the nightstand and plugs it in by the bed. Martino’s phone is back in the kitchen though.

“Fuck!” Elia repeats.

He runs back and plugs the charger on the outlet next to the fridge anxiously trying to insert the cord into the phone. It’s not working, they’re not compatible.

“Fuck…” he sadly says quietly, defeated.

Slowly he walks to close the fridge, pours himself another glass of water, grabs two croissants from the counter and walks back to his room. He lets himself fall face down on the bed. The room feels too bright now. Maybe more sleep will help this lousy feeling go away. Sleeping will also help with the hangover and will stop him from dwelling on the fact he was unable to give Filippo his number quick enough. He slides under the covers; the sheets still warm and welcoming.

Before closing his eyes again, he looks for his phone to charge it in case Marti calls. Where the damn phone though? Feeling annoying now as well, he kicks all the cover off the bed. They fall, a thud is hear when his phone hits the wooden floor. He grabs it and plugs it in. Now charging, the screen lights up showing new text notifications, not from Marti as he expected, but from Filippo.

9:22 Filippo: “Hey Elia, it’s Filippo. So, I talked to Nico but we haven’t decided where to eat yet. As soon as we do, I will let you know so you can join us and give Marti his phone back.”

9:25 Filippo: “It’s Marti’s turn to choose but he’s being very indecisive today. It’s so annoying. I don’t care where we go, I just want to go somewhere soon lol I’m so hungry. I would eat something but last time Marti got angry at me for eating previously so I’m trying to be a better friend today.”

Elia sits up and smiles.

09:28 Elia: “Hi Filippo! I wasn’t sure my number went through before Marti’s phone died.”

09:28 Filippo: “Oh it is you! It never got your text so I assumed the phone died. I called Nico and asked him for your number. I think I woke him up, he sounded super sleepy, so I wasn’t sure he gave me the right number.”

09:29 Elia: “He does takes ages to get up, it’s possible you won’t be eating anytime soon haha.”

09:30 Filippo: “Don’t say that! Ugh I’m so hungry, I would be content with just a simple, boring croissant.”

Elia looks at his croissants on the nightstand and smiles. He sends Filippo a selfie taking a big bite off one.

09:31 Filippo: “How dare you send me a picture of a croissant when I might not get to eat today.”

Elia laughs at loud, feeling cheerful again. He gets up to open the curtains, the room getting brighter and brighter. Before getting back in bed he puts the second croissant down; he will leave it untouched. Who knows, maybe later today he’ll run into someone who might want it.


	2. A Saturday Brunch

His mouth is dry, he needs a drink. This feeling brings him back to last night, when he walked through the door at the party, his mouth salivating, craving a cold beer. Beer is not what he needs this morning, though; he needs water.

Why does he keep put himself through this? Was last night epic enough to make this morning worth it? After the exam week he had, a night out was needed but Elia can’t seem to recall if the party makes feeling like this worth it. For Elia, not remembering usually means it wasn’t. Blacking out happens when he overdrinks as a consequence of being bored, which he is not when he manages to find someone to make out with. So, he probably was alone, bored and wasted. It wasn’t worth it, he decides lying in bed, inside his pitch black bedroom.

“Water”, Elia groaned in bed. “I need some water.”

“Ugh,” he loudly groans at the realization that he will either have to get up to get some water or stay in bed, hangover, wishing he was drinking water. One step at a time, he tells himself. Maybe there is some water here after all. He rolls over, half of his torso hanging from the bed, hoping to grab his phone inside the jacket on the floor and use it to search the dark room. He feels its pockets, weirdly he finds two of them.

_“Shit, I accidentally took Marti’s phone again. He’s going to kill me.”_

Marti has the bad habit of leaving his phone lying around and drunk Elia has the bad habit of always mistaking it as his and taking it without realizing they’re not even the same brand. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now.

 _“I should text Nico to tell him that I have Marti’s phone with me”,_ Elia thinks. _“But first, some water.”_

Ping!

Ping!

Elia stands over his bed, feeling dizzy, pondering if he should check the text messages or to continue on his way to the kitchen.

 _“Water,”_ Elia tells himself again.

Ping!

Elia ignores it and walks out his room. Water is first priority.

Inside the kitchen a strong beam of light illuminates the small table by the fridge. After pouring himself a cold glass of water he leans back on the chair enjoying the warmth of the sun on the back of his neck. The house is quiet. His dad is gone for the weekend like usual. Elia has been spending a lot of time by himself since a big promotion required his dad to travel more. Having more alone time is not the only that has recently changed in the Santini household. This new routine has shifted some of the household responsibilities, making Elia in charge of buying food, which explains the increase of pastries in the kitchen.

Elia sighs, taking the last bite of the apple strudel. A quick carb-filled breakfast before going back to bed will help with the hangover for sure.

“Marti’s phone,” Elia suddenly remembers, annoyed at himself from taking it and now having to return it.

“Ugh…” he groans as he gets up and walks to his room.

He picks it up to check the messages but the screen remains black. It ran out of battery. It was Nico, Elia is sure of it. They’re probably together right now, but he remembers, last night Marti was talking about meeting Gio around lunchtime, so it might be easier to text Gio later and give Marti his phone then. Easier for Elia that is. Calling Nico is risky, he might ask Elia to meet shortly but if he were to show up at Gio’s at noon Elia could sleep a few more hours. But Elia is aware it’s not Martino’s fault he took his phone. If it were Elia, he would prefer to have it returned quickly, so he decides to call Nico. On the sixth ring Nico picks up.

“Hmmm…” Nico clears his throat. “Hello?”

Elia woke him up.

“Hey Nico, did I wake you up?”

“Huh? Who is this?” Nico asks half asleep.

“It’s Elia, sorry for calling so early”, Elia apologizes. “I thought you called before. I accidentally took Marti’s phone again.”

“Marti, Marti,” Elia faintly hears Nico say. “Elia has your phone.”

“Ha! I knew it, klepto”, Marti responds. “Tell him to bring it to the café please.”

“Elia,” Nico is back talking to him. “We’re having brunch around 11:00 and Marti asks if you could bring it then. I can text you the address once we decide where to go. You can join us for brunch too, of course.”

“Yes, yes. I’ll bring in there,” Elia quickly replies. “I already ate but thanks anyway. I’ll see you in a few hours. Tell Martino I said sorry.”

“Ok Elia, see you then.”

They hang up and Elia falls back on the bed.

 _“Brunch on a Saturday,”_ he thinks, amazed. _“Who goes to brunch? Those two are an old married couple.”_

Is this what happens when you’re in a serious relationship? Elia wouldn’t know, he’s never been in one. He’s young, and sure, he enjoys the single life, but he can’t help but wonder if it’s because he hasn’t met someone he truly likes yet. Elia has no answer for this, so he tried to focus on the present. Maybe someday focusing on the present will mean going for brunch with a partner, but right now is not that day. Today it means two more hours of sleep before meeting his friends. With his eyes closed, content after the water and croissants, he falls asleep.

Eventually, he slowly wakes up, looking around his room. How long has it been? It doesn’t seem any time has passed. His room is pitch black, the curtains are still closed. The heavy winter bedding pushing his body deeper into the bed with every breath he takes, there’s no reason to ever leave.

“Brunch!” Elia suddenly remembers, eyes open wide.

His phone lets him know it’s 11:30 and that Nico sent the address almost two hours ago. The blankets fall heavily on the ground as Elia rushes to the shower replying to Nico’s text, letting him know he’ll be there soon. Well rested and in a hurry, Elia makes sure to grab Marti’s phone and is out the door in record time.

The café is actually pretty close to his house so he decides to walk instead of taking the bus. The cold breeze feels nice, it makes him crave a cup of hot chocolate. As he goes inside the café he decides he will order one. The smell of coffee and breakfast food filling the air whets his appetite. In between the tables he checks out people’s orders, forgetting to look for Marti until a familiar voice, one he can’t quite recognize, brings him back to reality.

“…wait, who else is coming? Is he the one with the sexy lips?”

Elia turns around in the direction of the voice and finds Nico and Marti in a table near the back, seating down with someone else.

It’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation, but he was hoping to see him again. Elia takes a deep breath and walks towards them. Nico waves as he approaches while Marti whispers something to Filippo.

“Elia!” Nico greets him with a big smile. “I’m glad you could still join us.”

“Hi guys,” Elia chuckles. “Yeah I’m sorry for being late. I fell asleep and forgot to set an alarm. Here’s your phone Marti, sorry for grabbing it by mistake.”

Elia extends his hand and gives the phone back. He can feel Filippo looking at him, but Elia is too nervous to look. He is focusing all of his attention on Martino.

“It’s ok Elia,” Martino laughs. “I’m starting to get used to you doing this.”

Elia blushes and laughs.

“Well, alright. I will leave you guys to it.”

“No, stay.” Filippo casually says making Elia stops mid turn, his heart racing. “Stay, have something to eat. I have some questions. I mean, we need to get to the bottom of why you keep stealing his phone.”

Marti and Nico laugh. Elia chuckles nervously.

“I didn’t steal it; I just keep taking it by mistake when I’m drunk.” Elia now grins at Filippo. “Also, I’m not the one that looks like a thief with that black and white stripe shirt you’re wearing.”

Marti spits out his water and Nico grins amused waiting for Filippo’s reaction.

Filippo smiles and winks at Elia. “You got me there,” he says pushing the empty chair next to him for Elia to sit.

“I’m just joking,” Elia explains as he sits down.

“I know, I know.” Filippo laughs and pats Elia’s shoulder. “So, I think I’m going to order another large coffee that will last for the entire interrogation. Anyone else wants anything?” Filippo pushes himself up, using Elia’s shoulder as support. Filippo waits for everyone to reply, Elia looks up at him, very conscious of his hand gently resting on his shoulder.

“Actually, I need to leave soon Filo,” Marti explains. “I’m meeting Gio in a bit. Nico, I know it’s not in the way to your house, but would you mind driving me.”

“Of course, Marti,” Nico replies kissing Martino on the cheek.

“Are you leaving too Elia?” Filippo asks, removing his hand from Elia’s shoulder. They both ignore the lovey smiles and looks Marti and Nico are giving each other. Elia remains silent, of course he wants to stay and talk to him. But how does he say that without sounding desperate? He is taking too long to answer and now the three of them are staring at Elia, waiting for his response.

“No.” Elia manages to say, only looking at Filippo.

“Ok, perfect. So, a large coffee for me and, what will you have, Elia?” Filippo asks.

“A hot chocolate, thank you.” Elia replies, giving him a soft smile.

Nico looks at his phone, exhales and gets up. “Ok Martino, we have to go.”

“Yes,” Marti replies getting up as he grabs his coat and scarf. “We’ll talk later Elia. Thanks for bringing my phone back. Always fun to see you Filo, don’t scare Elia too much.”

“Oh please, I’m harmless,” Filippo replies acting offended. “Bye boys.”

“Bye guys.” Elia smiles at his friends as they leave. 

They’re alone now. Elia looks down at his sweaty hands, nervous to look up and make eye contact with Filippo.

“Ok Elia,” Elia looks up at Filippo still standing next to him as he turns around to leave. “I’ll be right back.”

Filippo stops mid turn and continues, “So, I’m going to leave my stuff at the table. If you plan on stealing something please don’t do until I get back. It would be more of a challenge if I’m here and I want to try to catch you.”

Elia laughs, “I’m not a thief Filippo.”

“Sure, sure, you’re not a thief” Filippo dismissively gestures with his hands and turns around. “Wait for me.” He calls out in between the tables, his back to Elia, as he walks to place the order

Elia smiles, he’s not going anywhere.


	3. The Car Ride

His mouth is dry, he needs a drink. This feeling brings him back to last night, when he walked through the door at the party, his mouth salivating, craving a cold beer. Beer is not what he needs this morning, though; he needs water.

Why does he keep put himself through this? Was last night epic enough to make this morning worth it? He can’t recall if it was, which usually means it wasn’t. He only blacks out when he is bored at a party. It wasn’t worth it, he decides lying in bed, inside a pitch-black room; the heavy curtains are closed.

“Water”, Elia groaned in bed. “I need some water.”

“Ugh,” he loudly groans at the realization that he might have to get up to get some water. One step at a time, he tells himself. Maybe there is some water here after all. He reaches for his phone inside the jacket on the floor, hoping to use its flashlight to search the dark room. He finds two phones inside the pockets.

_“Shit, I accidentally took Marti’s phone again. He’s going to kill me.”_

He’s been accidentally taking Martino’s phone home lately. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now.

 _“I should text Nico to tell him that I have Marti’s phone with me”,_ Elia thinks. _“But first, some water.”_

Elia stands up and immediately feels dizzy. He takes a moment to compose himself and walks to the kitchen ignoring some incoming text notifications.

Water is first priority.

Inside the kitchen a strong beam of light illuminates the small table by the fridge. Elia drinks his water, enjoying the warmth of the sun on the back of his neck from where he’s seating. The house is quiet, like it usually is now. At least ever since his dad’s big promotion at work. His father is constantly traveling for work and Elia is constantly going to the supermarket now that he’s in charge of the groceries. It feels like he is living by himself. The freedom is nice but being alone so much can get boring very quickly. Elia sighs as he finishes an apple strudel he recently bought when he remembers Martino’s phone and the ignored text messages.

Annoyed, he goes back to look for it. It ran out of battery, but it was Nico, Elia is sure of it. Last night Martino mentioned staying over at Nico but he also talked about seeing Gio around lunchtime. Sleeping a couple extra hours, going to Gio’s and giving Martino his phone at noon sounds like a better plan. Calling Nico is risky, he might ask Elia to meet shortly but if he were to show up at Gio’s at noon Elia could sleep a few more hours. If it were Elia, he would prefer to have returned quickly but what’s a couple more hours without a phone, really. He’ll survive, Elia thinks to himself, drifting off after setting an alarm so he can be at Gio’s in time.

Gio lives far from Elia, but if he leaves at 11:15 Elia will make it with time to spare. And he does. Elia gets off the bus stop one block away from Gio’s house at exactly 11:40. For a winter morning in Rome it’s a nice day out. Hopefully Gio is already home so Elia won’t have to wait outside for long.

Elia rings the doorbell once, twice, three, four times. No answer. The breeze feels colder now that he’s just standing still in front of Gio’s door.

 _“I should’ve called Gio.”_ Elia regrets coming unannounced but he doesn’t really regret choosing sleep over calling Gio. Sure, being out here in the cold waiting for him is not ideal, but he really needed those extra hours of sleep. There hasn’t been a lot of relaxing morning naps like that lately. It seems there’s always something on his mind, something that keeps him from fully enjoying himself. The party last night was fun, at least the parts Elia can remember, but it wasn’t life changing. Lately everything has been predictable, boring. He goes out with his friends, he drinks, dances, and flirts, hoping to feel different, to feel excited. Parties, people, situations change but it’s always the same predictable result: he enjoys himself but something feels off.

These thoughts have been keeping him up these past weeks. At times it seems like a meaningless thing to think about but most of the time it does worry him quite a bit. But what exactly does he feel is missing? What is he actually worrying about? He genuinely has no idea. Sometimes he feels like talking to someone about this but he doesn’t know how to explain himself. How does you express the need of something you don’t know you desire? How do you strive to get what you want when you can’t recognize what that is yet? Who really knows.

Elia sighs, his warm breath now visible because of the cold air outside. He sits down in the bench right outside of Gio’s house and finally decides to call him.

“Hello?” Gio answers almost instantly.

“Hey Gio”

“Hi Elia, what’s up?” Gio is breathing heavily. “Sorry I can’t talk right now. I’m meeting Marti at my house and I’m running late. I was at the park playing football and totally lost track of time.”

“That’s why I was calling you,” Elia explains. “I’m outside your house. I was hoping to give Marti his phone back. I accidentally took it again.”

“Ha!” Gio chuckles. “You’re back to stealing his phone? That’s hilarious.”

“Shut up” Elia laughs. “I honestly don’t know why I keep mistaking it for mine. So, are you on your way here? I’ve been ringing the doorbell but there’s no one here.”

“Oh yeah,” Gio says. “My mom is having her friends over later; she’s probably out buying some last minute stuff. I’ll be there in 20 minutes, I think. Martino should be there soon. I’m about to get on the bus, I’ll talk to you later ok?”

“Ok” Elia hears Gio greeting the bus driver as they hang up. He looks at the time, twenty minutes is a long time so he goes inside the café next door and buys a cup of hot chocolate to go. He’ll drink it on the bench as he waits for one of his friends to get there.

When he comes out, he notices that a blue car is now parked right in front of the bench. Elia sits down anyway. As he takes the first sip the car window rolls down and Elia looks up.

“Hello Elia”

It’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation, but he was hoping to see him again. Elia takes a deep breath and casually smiles at him.

“Hi”

“I’m Filippo, Marti’s friend.” Filippo leans back and Martino appears, seating in the passenger’s seat, waving behind Filippo.

“Hey Elia! I didn’t know you were coming too.”

“I wasn’t – I mean, I’m not staying,” Elia is nervously avoiding eye contact with Filippo. “I just came here to give you your phone back. I accidentally took it last night at the party.”

“I knew it!” Marti exclaims. He turns to Filippo, “Elia is constantly taking my phone when he’s drunk.”

Martino extends his hands past Filippo. “Give it to me please, I want to check my messages.”

Elia stands up and hands it over. “It’s dead, I couldn’t charge it at home, sorry. Someone did text you in the morning though. I heard the notifications but I wasn’t quick enough to see who it was before your phone died..”

“Oh that probably was me! I was the one that texted you this morning” Filippo blurts out. He turns to face Elia. “You see Elia, your friend here,” he says nudging his head towards Martino, “is a pain in the ass. We were meeting for brunch but he never told me where and he wasn’t picking up so I was just about to eat at home when he called me from Nico’s phone. I was starving waiting to hear from him and he didn’t care.”

Martino rolls his eyes. “You’re so dramatic.” Filippo grins at Elia, proud of annoying Martino.

Elia laughs.

“Why don’t you stay Elia” Marti says behind Filippo. “Gio and I have some schoolwork to do but it won’t take long. We can hang out after.”

“I can’t,” Elia explains. “I have to go grocery shopping. My dad is away and there’s no food at home.”

“I was planning on going to the supermarket later. I could go right now,” Filippo states. “Want me to take you? Hop on.” Filippo gestures to the passenger’s seat.

“Wait, what? Don’t kick me out yet Filo!” Marti complains loudly. “Gio is not here yet and it’s too cold outside for the jacket I’m wearing. You said I could wait inside the car until he gets here.”

“It’s- it’s ok, thank you” Elia interrupts their bickering. “I was planning on going one close to my house. It’s not close by – I mean, it’s probably not in the way to wherever you’re going. You’re probably going somewhere in this neighborhood, right? I- I can take the bus. But thank you.”

Filippo grins amused, wondering why Elia seems so nervous.

“He actually lives like six blocks from your apartment Elia” Elia hears Martino call out.

Filippo gestures to the passenger seat again. “Come Elia, I’ll drive you.”

Elia shyly agrees and walks around the car. Filippo nudges Martino, gesturing him out the car. Martino gasps, shocked and gets out and holds the door open for Elia.

“The only reason why I’m getting out is because Gio is probably not far now.” Marti tells Filippo as he grabs his backpack.

“I know, that’s why I’m jokingly kicking you out.”

“No, you didn’t, you didn’t know.” Marti annoyingly snaps. “Thanks for ride Filippo. Be nice to Elia.”

Martino moves out of the way and Elia gets in the passenger’s seat.

“Let’s hang out later Elia. I’ll ask Gio to text you so we can decide what to do, ok?”

Elia nods as the door closes.

Filippo laughs loudly, looking at the rearview mirror as Martino sees Gio coming around the corner.

“There’s not many things I enjoy more than annoying Martino.”

Elia chuckles, and looks back, watching Gio approach Martino, who is now pointing back at the car, clearly complaining about Filippo.

“It too easy to get him riled up,” Elia states.

Filippo agrees and turns to look at Elia. They silently make eye contact for a second, making Elia feel like the air was just sucked out of the car.

“You do know I wasn’t going to actually kick him out, right?”

“It seemed you were pretty serious about making him wait out in the cold.” Elia teases him, trying to ease the tension. Filippo raises an eyebrow surprised.

“Well, how dare you accuse me of being a bad friend when you’re the one who keeps stealing his phone.”

Elia pretends to act offended. They laugh.

“I’ve heard you have the habit of taking other people’s stuff, don’t lie. Maybe you already took my phone and I didn’t notice.”

“Ha! I didn’t, look.” Elia pats his coat pockets. “See, I just have my phone, my keys and my wa-“

He didn’t have his wallet with him, just the bus card.

“Fuck, I forgot my wallet at home. I think it’s best if you just drop me off at the bus stop so I can go home for my wallet. I’ll just go to the supermarket later.” Elia disappointedly says.

The day that had suddenly became exciting with the possibility to hang out with Filippo felt unfortunate and boring now. If there was a day to forget his wallet at home, today was not that day. When will he ever get another chance to spend one on one time with Filippo? It is unlikely this will happen soon.

Filippo starts the car and Elia unbuckles his seat belt, ready to get out in a block and a half.

“No, buckle up.” Filippo instructs, looking straight ahead. Elia turns to face him.

“I’ll drive you home and wait outside,” Filippo continues. “Unless you don’t want me to come with you to the supermarket. Are you being good and refusing to go with a stranger?”

He turns to look at Elia and winks. “If that’s the reason then you already screwed up because the first rule is ‘don’t get in the car with a stranger’, and I’m sorry to tell you but, that’s exactly what you just did.”

Elia buckles up and softly laughs. “Ok, let’s do that.”

“Besides,” Filippo talks again. “If anyone should be scared it should be me. I’m harmless, you’re a thief. Maybe it’s a good thing I drive you home, so in case you do steal something I now know where you live.”

“I’m not a thief!” Elia cracks up as they drive smoothly through the streets of Rome. The sidewalks are mostly empty, it seems everyone is taking shelter from the cold. Outside time seems to stand still, like they’re watching a still image moving slowly past them from the window. Inside it feels completely the opposite. Filippo’s mustard coat, his laugh and smile bright up the already warm car. To Elia this feels comfortable, but more importantly, it feels exciting. He feels a tingly sensation in his stomach, he doesn’t want this to end.

“Fine, fine.” Filippo laughs turning to look at Elia. “Ok, now tell me, what’s the best route to your house?”

Elia grins back at him and begins to tell him the longest one he can think of.


	4. The Accident

His mouth is dry, he needs a drink. This feeling brings him back to last night, when he walked through the door at the party, his mouth salivating, craving a cold beer. Beer is not what he needs this morning, though; he needs water.

The room is pitch black; the heavy curtains are closed. He reaches for his phone inside the jacket on the floor, hoping to use its flashlight to search the dark room for some water. He finds two phones inside the pockets. He’s been accidentally taking Martino’s phone home lately. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now.

 _“I should text Nico to tell him that I have Marti’s phone with me”,_ Elia thinks. _“But first, some water.”_

Elia stands up and immediately feels dizzy. Why does he keep put himself through this? Was last night epic enough to make this morning worth it? It wasn’t, he decides. Eventually, he walks to the kitchen, ignoring some incoming text notifications.

Water is first priority. He drinks it on the kitchen table, feeling the warmth of the sun on his back. The house is quiet, like it usually is now; it has been ever since his dad’s promotion. His father is constantly traveling for work and Elia is constantly going to the supermarket now that he’s in charge of the groceries. It feels like he is living by himself. The freedom is nice but being alone so much can get boring very quickly. Elia sighs as he finishes an apple strudel he recently bought when he remembers the ignored text messages in Martino’s phone..

He goes back to check them out but the phone is dead. It was Nico, Elia is sure. Last night Martino mentioned staying over at Nico but he also talked about seeing Gio around lunchtime. Sleeping a couple extra hours, going to Gio’s and giving Martino his phone at noon sounds like a better plan, right? If it were Elia, he would prefer to have it returned quickly, but Martino will survive a few more hours without his phone, Elia tells himself, lying back on the bed.

He closes his eyes but is unable to fall asleep. It’s the guilt probably. Maybe setting up an alarm will help. It doesn’t. Fine, he will text Gio so he can tell Martino that Elia has his phone. This will ease the guilt for sure.

09:24 – Elia: Hey Gio! How’s it going? So, I accidentally took Marti’s phone again… I remembered you guys are hanging out at your house today at noon, right? I was thinking of going there around that time to drop it off. You are meeting there, right?

There, he did his part. Now Gio knows and he can tell Martino if he asks and Elia will probably get to sleep some more now. Apart from being hungover, Elia really needs some extra hours of sleep. Lately, he hasn’t been able to relax. It seems there’s always something on his mind, something that keeps him from fully enjoying himself. The party last night was fun, at least the parts Elia can remember, but it wasn’t life changing. Lately everything has been predictable, boring. He goes out with his friends, he drinks, dances, and flirts, hoping to feel different, to feel excited. Parties, people, situations change but it’s always the same predictable result: he enjoys himself but something feels off.

These thoughts have been keeping him up these past weeks. At times it seems like a meaningless thing to think about but most of the time it does worry him quite a bit. But what exactly does he feel is missing? What is he actually worrying about? He genuinely has no idea. Sometimes he feels like talking to someone about this but he doesn’t know how to explain himself. How does you express the need of something you don’t know you desire? How do you strive to get what you want when you can’t recognize what that is yet? Who really knows.

This morning something feels different, though. The now familiar thoughts and worries don’t feel so heavy today. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t have to study for his exams anymore, maybe he’s to hungover to care. Again, who knows. Truthfully, Elia just wants to enjoy this new sense of calmness and take a short nap. He’s about to drift off when the notification sound of a new text causes him to open his eyes. 

09:28 – Gio: Hahahaha, you thief. Marti will be so annoyed at you.

09:29 – Gio: Yeah, come by my house later if you want.

Elia puts the phone back down. He closes his eyes but a new text arrives.

Ping!

09:30 – Gio: But you could also give it to me at the park by your house. I’m in my way there to play football with some friends. I can meet you by the pond if you want. I mean, my house is not that close to yours, it might be easier for you to meet me here since I’m going to the park anyway.

 _“Oh,”_ Elia thinks. _“This is a better plan for sure.”_

09:30 – Elia: That would actually be easier for me. How long are you staying there? I was thinking of going back to sleep lol

09:30 – Gio: I’ll be here for the next two hours approximately

09:31 – Elia: Great! I’ll get there before you leave. Thanks Gio!

Elia lies back on the pillow relieved that he won’t have to cut his nap short since the park is only ten minutes away by foot. He tucks the sheets under his legs and melts deeper into the bed. There’s a small ray of light coming through an opening in the heavy blackout curtains. Elia stares at it, his blanket up to his nose. The sunlight looks inviting, especially in this cold winter morning. He wonders if he’s wasting a nice day by staying secluded in his room. He should he meet Gio now and enjoy the weather in the park. Then he could stop by the grocery store on the way back, restock the currently empty fridge and have the rest of the day to relax at home. He’s already awake, he might as well enjoy it.

Without giving it a second thought Elia throws the blankets on the ground and stands up. The freezing sensation of the cold floor on his bare feet makes him rethink his decision for a second, but after the warm shower he’s ready to face this winter morning. After grabbing his coat, wallet and keys, slowly, but surely, he heads out the door.

It’s 10:55 when he finally arrives at the park. From the entrance he sees the big football field at the back of the park. There are people running, kicking the ball from side to side; Gio is probably one of them. A small group of people gather next to it, watching the game unfold. The sun that enticed him to leave his house is gone now. The morning suddenly feels cold and dark again. Two young kids laugh behind him, he turns around. They’re coming out of a nearby café holding large biscuist. Elia is craving one now. A few minutes later, he comes out of the café with a large cup of hot chocolate and two large biscuits. One for him and one for Marti as an apology for taking his phone.

He takes a huge bite out of the biscuit as he waits for the pedestrian light to turn green. Slowly, he makes his way down the path towards the football field to meet Gio. Sure enough, there he is, rapidly running from side to side, to focused on the game to notice Elia has arrived. Despite the gloomy weather, Elia feels no rush to leave. He sits down in a nearby bench and watches the game.

There’s quite a lot of people outside. Apart from the group playing football Elia sees many couples walking in the paths around him. People watching is Elia’s newfound hobby. Time flies when he does this. He especially enjoys how the people he comes across unconsciously allow him to catch glimpses of their mood, of their lives, in the few seconds they interact. It’s the perfect distraction for moments when he is alone, waiting. He watches his surroundings and his mind wanders away, forgetting at times he’s there to meet Gio. Eventually Gio spots Elia on the bench.

“Elia!” Gio runs towards him with a backpack in his hand. “How long have you been seating there? I was just about to leave when I saw you back here.”

“Oh, you’re leaving already?” Elia asks surprised.

“Yeah, I’m running late to meet Marti. It’s already 11:50 and he’s coming over at noon.”

“11:50? Shit, I lost track of time myself.” Elia reaches down his coat pocket and takes out Marti’s phone. He hands it to Gio, along with the extra biscuit.

“I bought Marti a biscuit as a token of my apology haha thanks for meeting me here to pick up his phone.”

“No problema Elia,” Gio smiles. “He’ll be happy about the biscuit. I really need to go now though. Text you later, ok?”

“Yes, yes,” Elia says. “Let’s talk, maybe we can hang out later.”

“Bye Elia!” Gio yells as he sprints across the field towards the bus stop on the other side of the park. Elia stays there, holding the empty cup of hot chocolate in his hands he continues to watch the football match. He stays for a few more minutes, not ready to go just yet. The game is still going on. Eventually he stands up with the intention of leaving the park. He walks by the field on his way out, checking out if he knows anyone playing. He recognizes some friends from school.

“Elia! How’s it going?” His friend Paolo calls out. “Gio was just here.”

“Hey!” Elia replies. “Yeah, I just saw him.”

“Do you want to take his place? Join us for the rest of the match man.”

This is a tempting proposal. It would be fun to play a quick match, but he still needs to go grocery shopping. The supermarket definitely won’t close in the next hour though, he could stay.

“Nah, I can’t,” Elia eventually answers. “I have some errands to do, but thanks man! I’ll see you at school.”

“Ok!” Paolo replies. “You’re missing out, though.”

Elia laugh and waves goodbye. He turns around and starts walking towards the street. It feels colder now, the effects of the hot chocolate are wearing off. With his hands inside his jacket he walks towards the exit. Right next to him a young couple walks in the same direction. Elia slows down and starts to walks behind them, observing how they interact. He eventually stops and watches them cross the street from afar. It’s all so fascinating to him, couple dynamics that is. It’s what he mostly observes when he is people watching, at least it has been ever since Marti started dating Nico. Seeing them act so in love has a certain effect on him. Elia resents them for this. He had been fine before, but now, watching them together makes him wonder if deep inside he craves to experience something similar. Maybe a serious relationship will provide that spark he sees in others that he feels is missing in him.

He wonders about this as he watches the couple across the street. He follows them with his eyes, watching them go inside the same café Elia visited earlier that day. Out of the corner of the eye he notices the woman next to him is getting ready to cross the street. The pedestrian light must be green now. Elia steps down the sidewalk and confidently walks to the other side. The breaks of a car, screeching loudly against the pavement, makes him stops him on his tracks. Immediately a horn and intense yelling follow.

“Hey! Watch where you’re going!”

Elia remains still, scared. The driver sticks his head out the window, ready to go off again but doesn’t in the end. He recognizes that the careless pedestrian is none other than Elia Santini. With his eyes wide open, a small grin forms as he yells out his name.

“Elia! Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

It’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation, but he was hoping to see him again. Elia takes a deep breath and smiles shyly at him.

“Hey Elia! It’s me, Filippo, Marti’s friend.” Filippo yells from inside the car. The light turns red, Filippo gestures for Elia to approach the car.

“Sorry for honking and yelling at you Elia, but you started crossing the street before the light turned red!” Filippo laughs.

“No, no, I’m sorry,” Elia apologizes. “I was distracted, it was my fault.”

“Haha it’s ok, it happens. Sometimes when I’m running late or if I’m going somewhere important I tend to space out. Were you in a rush to get someplace?”

“Not at all, I’m heading to the supermarket really.” Elia laughs embarrassed.

“No way! I was planning on going there later too.” Filippo exclaims surprised. “What a coincidence. I just dropped Marti off at Gio’s house on my way to do some errands before going to the supermarket.”

“I was here at the park with Gio a few minutes ago!” Elia replies.

“Oh shit, is Gio still on his way? I left Marti stranded in the cold with only a light jacket outside his house.” Filippo says, with a worried look on face. “Oh well, he’s a big boy, right? He’ll be fine.”

They both laugh.

Filippo looks up, the red light is probably going to turn green any moment now.

“Come on Elia,” he says unlocking the car. “Get in, I’ll take you to the supermarket.”

“Oh, no don’t worry.” Elia feels himself blushing, he hadn’t prepared himself mentally for this. It’s not anyone asking him to get in the car, it’s Filippo.

“Well hurry up! The light will turn green anytime now.” Filippo gestures Elia to hurry up. Elia obediently goes around the car and gets in just as the light turns green. Filippo laughs, “just in time Elia.”

They speed up straight ahead, both silent for a short moment. Elia has no idea where Filippo is driving to, he does not know how he will get back either. The day suddenly became exciting. Filippo drives, turning left and right, as if he knows exactly where to go. Elia doesn’t want to ask where they’re going and ruin the fantasy.

“Are you always this quiet Elia,” Filippo asks, looking straight ahead.

“No,” Elia chuckles. “I was just thinking about-”

“Thinking why you were reckless enough to get in a car with a stranger?” Filippo interrupts him, giving him a small wink before looking at the road again. Elia can feel himself blushing now.

“No– I, I wasn’t thinking that. But now that you mention it, I should’ve been more careful. You do look dangerous.” Elia jokes.

“Oh, shush. I do not!” Filippo pretends to offended. “I’m harmless.”

“Are you? I recall you tried to run me over a few minutes ago,” Elia teases Filippo.

“What?! The nerve!” Filippo laughs loudly. “What happened back there was 100% your fault!”

“Fine, fine. You’re right.” Elia admits.

They both laugh and smile at each other. Filippo continues to drive smoothly through the streets of Rome. Elia remains silent, content staring out the window. The sidewalks are mostly empty, it seems everyone is taking shelter from the cold. Outside time seems to stand still, like they’re watching a still image moving slowly past them from the window. Inside it feels completely the opposite. Filippo’s mustard coat, his laugh and smile bright up the already warm car. To Elia this feels comfortable, but more importantly, it feels exciting. He feels a tingly sensation in his stomach, he doesn’t want this to end.

“Ok Elia,” Filippo eventually says. “Because you didn’t say which supermarket you wanted to go to I decided to take you to the one I usually go to.” Filippo turns to look at Elia. “Is that ok?”

“Yes, but if it’s too far away you have to drive me back home.”

Filippo doesn’t say a word but grins at Elia’s last remark, looking straight ahead at the road. Elia looks out the window again and hopes this spontaneous hangout could last all day.


	5. The Frozen Food Section

Dry mouth, headache and the realization he accidentally took Marti’s phone home last night. It’s not the first time that has happened. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now. Elia wakes up in his bed after an alcohol filled night of now hazy memories. His current state is making him question if last night was worth it. He needed to unwind after the past exams week, but still, was it worth it?

 _Who knows, and right now who cares?_ Elia thinks to himself. _It’s too early for this Elia, one step at a time. Go get water._

He gets up, suddenly feeling dizzy. He takes the first step as he hears a text notification coming from the phone. Elia ignores it and continues his way to the kitchen. A few glasses of water, two croissants and an apple strudel later, Elia is back in bed. The curtains are drawn and he’s all alone in the apartment. His father left for the weekend again, new work responsibilities or something. Elia is not sure anymore. All he knows is that he will probably spend this weekend by himself again, like usual. Elia sighs bored just as he suddenly he remembers the ignored text messages in Martino’s phone. The phone is out of battery. They were from Nico, for sure, or maybe from Gio since they talked yesterday about meeting at his house around noon. Elia should call one of them so Marti knows about his phone’s whereabouts but sleeping a couple more hours, going to Gio’s later and giving Martino his phone at noon sounds like a better plan, right? Elia hesitates. If Elia was in Martino’s position, he’d want his phone back as soon as possible. Martino will survive a few more hours without his phone, Elia tells himself. He lies back on the bed, but he’s unable to sleep. It’s probably the guilt of not returning the phone quickly. He texts Gio to tell him he has Marti’s phone.

09:24 – Elia: Hey Gio! How’s it going? So, I accidentally took Marti’s phone again… I remembered you guys are hanging out at your house today at noon, right? I was thinking of going there around that time to drop it off. You are meeting there, right?

There, he did his part. Now Gio knows and Elia will finally relax. Which he does, but only for a few minutes until he receives Gio’s reply saying he’s actually close to Elia’s house and proposes they meet at the park instead. The park is only ten minutes away, so Elia agrees to the plan letting him know he’ll be there before Gio leaves.

Still in his bed, inside a cocoon of heavy blankets, Elia looks at a small bright ray of light coming through an opening in the curtains. It looks warm and inviting, making him question his decision to stay in. Change of plans, he’s going to meet Gio now at the park, then grocery shopping before coming back home for lunch.

Holding a cup of hot chocolate and biscuits, he spots Gio with a group of people in the football field in the park. Elia decides not to interrupt and watch quietly from a bench. His mind wanders, almost forgetting he’s there to meet Gio until he spots him by the bench. 

“Elia!” Gio runs towards him. “How long have you been seating there? I was just about to leave when I saw you back here.”

Gio is supposed to meet Marti in ten minutes. Elia is surprised, time flew. He quickly hands over Martino’s phone and a biscuit as an apology. Gio thanks him and sprints across the field. Elia lingers on, holding the empty cup in his hands, still watching the football match. He recognizes his Paolo playing football in the field. He goes down to say hi.

“Elia! How’s it going?” Paolo calls out as Elia approaches. “Gio was just here.”

He invites Elia to play. It’s a tempting proposal, itt would be fun to play a quick match.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll stay,” Elia says.

And he does. He stays for quite a long time actually. One short match turn into two, then three matches. Eventually, feeling exhausted from running around, he decided to take a break next to the pile of stuff with their belonging. He sits down while everyone else carries on without him. The morning went by fast, he thinks. He had expected to still be in bed at this time, relaxing. Lately, he hasn’t been able to relax; there’s always something on his mind. Last night was fun, but it wasn’t life changing, only predictable and boring. Parties, people, situations change but it’s always the same result: he enjoys himself but something feels off.

These thoughts have been keeping him up these past weeks. At times it seems like a meaningless thing to think about, but most of the time it does worry him quite a bit. But what exactly is missing? What is he actually worrying about? He genuinely has no idea. Sometimes he feels like talking to someone about this but he doesn’t know how to explain himself, he never learned how to. Either way, how do you express the need of something you don’t know you desire? How do you strive to get what you want when you can’t recognize what that is yet? Who really knows, and in this moment, Elia doesn’t really care. Before, he had wished he could stay home and sleep all day, hoping it will help him feel less anxious, calmer, but unexpectedly, coming to the park and playing football has made him feel more relaxed than he has in weeks. He looks up, his team just scored a goal. He cheers for them and starts to get up. His stomach growls, which he takes as a sign that it’s time to go. It’s already 13:35, no wonder he is feeling hungry. It’s definitely time to go to the supermarket and buy some food.

“Hey, Paolo!” Elia shouts from the grass. “I’m going to go now. I’ll see you in school!”

Paolo waves goodbye and replies something Elia can’t really understand. He turns around and starts walking towards the street. The air feels colder now, his body temperature is going back to normal after the workout. A hot beverage would be great, or a shower, especially since he’s sweaty after all the running. But food comes first.

The supermarket is only four blocks away, right in the middle of the park and his house. Everyone is walking towards him, heading to the park. Couple after couple, walking right past Elia. Most just walk quietly, sometimes holdings hands. Some talk, or laugh at each other. It’s amazing how you can get a sense of a person, of a couple just by noticing the small movements, reactions they allow you to see for the few seconds you interact in the street. It’s all so fascinating to him, couple dynamics that is. It’s what he mostly observes when he is people watching, at least it has been ever since Marti started dating Nico. Seeing them act so in love has a certain effect on him. Elia resents them for this. He had been fine before, but now, watching them together makes him wonder if deep inside he craves to experience something similar. Maybe a serious relationship will provide that spark he sees in others that he feels is missing in him. Who really knows, and he probably won’t find the answer to this next to the fruit section at the supermarket.

He stands right next to the apples, staring at them, unclear if he wants to buy some or not. Fruits and vegetables, that’s what people say you should eat. But no one really expects you to eat them by choice, right? Fruits and vegetables are what you eat when you’re training or if you have a food allergy, it’s not something you consciously buy when you’re a seventeen year old guy, semi-hungover and alone for the weekend. Sure, at home he has cooked pasta he could combine with a few vegetables and spend less money on food, but he could also get something unhealthy and delicious from the frozen food section.

He already worked out for an hour today, he deserves an unhealthy meal. He walks towards the frozen food aisle, seeing from afar there’s only one box of chicken nuggets left inside the fridge. Jackpot! He opens the fridge and takes it.

“Nooooo,” he someone complains behind him. “Don’t take the last box of chicken nuggets.” Elia turns around, half expecting someone to snatch the box out of his hands.

It’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation, but he was hoping to see him again. Elia takes a deep breath and stares at him.

“Hey Elia! It’s me, Filippo, Marti’s friend.”

Oh, Elia knows who he is. Still shocked to find him there, he stands still with a firm grip on the box of chicken nuggets.

“Oh hi,” he manages to say. “Where you also planning on eating chicken nuggets?”

Filippo exhales and begins to explain how he doesn’t want them, he needs them. He’s just as dramatic as Martino described him.

“I need them too.” Elia jokes.

Filippo laughs and continues, “No, you don’t understand. I have one box at home, well Ele has one, and I really want to eat some but I can’t take hers. She already made me promise not to eat her precious nuggets again. She’d kill me if I do. Come on, you know my sister, she’s a pain in the ass. Please help me out. Can you buy something else? Let’s look, I’ll help you.”

Truth be told, Elia doesn’t mind eating something else, but having a bit of power of Filippo is fun. At least it’s helping him keep the conversation going.

“Chicken nuggets are my favorite though.” Elia says with a smirk on his face.

“Don’t lie! I know they’re not; I can tell you’re just messing with me,” Filippo says annoyed. He grabs Elia’s hand and pulls him towards the next fridge. “Let’s find something else you might like. I’ll even pay for it! Please.”

Elia pretends to be disgusted by everything else in the fridge. Filippo acts annoyed but he’s visibly amused by Elia.

“Fine, I’ll be honest, I ate the ones at home already. Last night I was drunk and hungry, which Ele has zero empathy for. She doesn’t understand the importance of drunk food since she doesn’t drink. I’m so misunderstood at home Elia. Please help me out.”

They both laugh.

“Ok, let’s each plead our case and the one who deserves the nuggets more gets them.” Filippo insists.

“Why would I agree to that!” Elia chuckles so Filippo makes sad puppy dog. “Fine, fine. Stop making that face, it’s weird.”

“As long as I win I don’t care if you think I’m weird. Ok, so you know most of my story, why do you absolutely have to eat chicken nuggets for lunch today?”

Filippo crosses his arms and looks at Elia.

“I- well, because I have nothing to eat at home. My dad left – ” he pauses and Filippo frowns worried about where this is going. “–for the weekend, and the fridge is empty.”

“How dare you try to make me think your dad abandoned you! I should win just because of the trick you tried to pull,” Filippo exclaims laughing.

“The truth is I just want them because they’re easy to cook. I’m a bit hungover and I don’t feel like cooking and cleaning today.” Elia finally admits. “I could just grab something else from the frozen food section.”

“It’s settled then! I’ll get the chicken nuggets and as a thank you gesture, come have lunch with me. I’m cooking a huge meal as an apology for Ele because last week I ate all of her food. I’m planning on having that for lunch and serving the rest for dinner.”

“Hahaha, why do you keep stealing her food?” Elia teasingly nudges his arm.

“Oh please, this coming from you? Marti told me you stole his phone yet again last night.”

Elia suddenly turned red which Filippo finds amusing.

“Come, you can tell me over lunch why you’re constantly stealing your friends’ stuff.” Filippo takes the chicken nuggets out of Elia’s hands and starts walking toward the counter.

“Wait, are you sure? I can just buy something else here and eat at home,” Elia says catching up to him.

“Nonsense, I saw the face you made when we were looking at the other food options,” Filippo dismisses Elia’s claim with a swift hand gesture. Filippo greets the cashier and begins making small talk. Elia looks at the box of frozen chicken nuggets as they’re being scanned at the register. They’re good, but Elia would trade them any day for a spontaneous lunch invitation from Filippo. Who cares about being hungover, feeling sleepy and the gloomy weather? This day just got exponentially better.


	6. The Surprise Visit

It’s 10:55 in a chilly winter morning in Rome. After last night’s drunken party and a hangover filled early morning Elia is seating down on a park bench watching Gio and some friends playing a football match in the grass field close to Elia’s house. Elia got there recently, he’s meeting Gio so he can give him back Marti’s phone Elia took by mistake, which is something that has been happening often. Martino has been teasing Elia about it, saying he’s been taking it on purpose. The kleptomaniac, Marti calls him now. Elia insists it’s an honest mistake he makes when he’s drunk and takes takes it home thinking it’s his own. That excuse has not been working anymore, especially since Elia does this almost every time they go out

Gio runs from one side of the field to the other, unaware that Elia just arrived. In all fairness, Elia is trying hard to remain invisible for a little bit longer. Elia left his house, after deciding to give Gio the phone instead of Marti, thinking meeting Gio at the park is a great excuse to go out and enjoy the warm winter sun he saw from his bedroom window, but the moment he reached the park the sun was gone. A sudden strong breeze makes him regret his decision to leave the scarf back home. The cold weather is preventing him from truly enjoying some nice, quiet time alone at the bench. He needs that today. Lately, he hasn’t been able to relax; there’s always something on his mind. Last night was fun, but it wasn’t life changing, only predictable and boring. Parties, people, situations change but it’s always the same result: he enjoys himself but something feels off.

These thoughts have been keeping him up these past weeks. At times it seems like a meaningless thing to think about, but most of the time it does worry him quite a bit. But what exactly is missing? What is he actually worrying about? He genuinely has no idea. Sometimes he feels like talking to someone about this but he doesn’t know how to explain himself, he never learned how to. Either way, how do you express the need of something you don’t know you desire? How do you strive to get what you want when you can’t recognize what that is yet? Who really knows?

Elia sighs loudly, looking up at the football field. Gio coincidentally makes eye contact that very moment.

“Elia!” Gio runs towards him. “How long have you been seating there? I was just about to leave when I saw you back here.”

Gio tell Elia he is supposed to meet Marti in ten minutes. Time flew. He quickly hands over Martino’s phone and a biscuit as an apology. Gio thanks him and sprints across the field. Elia lingers on, in his hands is a cup of coffee he brought along that’s now empty. The match carries on without Gio; Elia watches it. He recognizes his friend Paolo playing football in the field. He goes down to say hi.

“Elia! How’s it going?” Paolo calls out as Elia approaches. “Gio was just here.”

He invites Elia to play. It’s a tempting proposal, it would be fun to play a quick match.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll stay,” Elia says.

And he does. He stays for quite a long time actually. Eventually, feeling exhausted from running around, he decides to take a break next to the pile of stuff with their belongings. Apparently, a fun morning workout is what he needed today to feel better. Elia already feels way less anxious compared to how he felt in the early morning when he woke up. He takes out his phone, the morning flew by. It’s already 13:35 and he needs to go grocery shopping if he wants to eat lunch at home. He’s alone for the weekend and he plans to use the time to relax. Elia gets up, waves goodbye at his friends and heads out the park.

The supermarket is four blocks away, on the way to his house, so Elia gets there in no time. The supermarket is a somewhat crowed, it is a Saturday after all. Most costumers circle the bakery section, trying not to bump into each other. Elia, in the other hand, has room to spare right in front of a basket full of apples. He stares at them, standing in the middle of the aisle unsure if he wants to buy some or not. In the end apples, or fruits and vegetables in general, are not something you necessarily crave when you’re hungover and home alone for the weekend. He could buy something greasy from the frozen food section or he could save up some money, buy a couple of vegetables and finish eating some leftover pasta he has at home. Elia scans the vegetables available and decides to get some. Vegetables it is. With some bell peppers and carrots in his bag, he walks to the cashier to purchase them and heads out the supermarket quickly, craving the warmth of his apartment.

Finally inside, coat and bags on the floor, he begins to cook. For Elia there’s only a few things more relaxing that cooking a hot meal undisturbed. The smell of fresh vegetables as their chopped, the sizzling sound of oil heating up in a pan, the joyful feeling of finally seating down with home cooked plate in front of him and the best sensation of them all, laying down on the couch by the window, feeling full after eating, feeling the sun warm up his skin. And that’s exactly what he does after eating. He sighs feeling content. It was a good morning.

But what now? The rest of the day in front of him and no plan whatsoever. He could play some video games, he thinks. He could also call Luca to see if he wants to hang out.

_Oh, but Luchino has a family thing today, I think._ Elia remembers. _Maybe he wants to come over after he’s done with that. I’ll call him._

And he does. Luchino picks up at the second ring.

“Hi!” Luca greets Elia over the phone.

“Hey man! How’s it going? What are you up to?” Elia asks laying back down on the couch as he kicks off his shoes.

“Oh, I’m so glad you ask. So, I’ve trying to find a way to ask Silvia out on a date but I still haven’t really mustered the courage. So, in the meantime I came up with a brilliant plan! I told her we could study for next week’s history exam together. She’s really smart and I knew she would have a hard time saying no because, as you know, she loves explaining things to anyone willing to would listen. You know she loves correcting me. And guess what-”

Elia remained silent, waiting for Luchino to continue his story.

“Elia, guess!” an impatient Luca yelled on the phone.

“I don’t know Luchino, just tell me”, Elia replied laughing.

“Fine, so she agreed to meet tomorrow, but then she remembered she left all her notes at Eleonora’s apartment. She started saying that Ele might not be home for the weekend and that even if she was Silvia has no time to get there to pick them up today and so on. In the end she told me it would be impossible to study tomorrow”

“Aw that sucks man! You were so close”, Elia said.

“Oh Elia, I’m not done. Do you think I would give up that easily?” Luca said. “So, I volunteer to pick them up today so we could still hang out tomorrow. She said if I managed to get her notes we could meet up at a café close to her house tomorrow after lunch.”

“Nice!” Elia grinned.

“I know right!” Luchino said. “But the thing is I’m at this family thing, remember I told you about it? My aunt’s 60thbirthday, so boring but anyway, I’m stuck here and I won’t be getting home until late late late late at night, so…”

“Yes…” Elia knew where this was going.

“Could you please go get them for me?? I can swing by your apartment tonight or tomorrow morning and pick them up. Before you say something, I can’t show up that late tonight or that early tomorrow at Ele’s apartment, we’re not friends like that, it would be rude. Please Elia, please. I would be so grateful if you did this me, plea-“

“Fine, fine. I’ll do it” Elia gave in.

“Thank you, you’re the best! It’s actually pretty close to your house. I’ll send you the address right now. Bye!”

“Wait, why are you –“ Lucchino hung up, “– hanging up on me.”

*ding”

Luca just sent the location, wasting no time. Elia gets up, a loud groan echoes inside the empty apartment. Elia regrets agreeing to this but he knows Luca would do the same for him so even though he’s slightly annoyed of going to Ele’s apartment Elia is go now to help out Luchino.

_Ok Elia, the quicker you’re out the door the sooner you’ll be back to lay down for the rest of the day,_ Elia thinks as he grabs his coat, scarf and keys whilst heading out the door. Outside on the sidewalk he walks quickly with his head down to avoid strong breeze blowing off his beanie again.

_Just five blocks_ , he thinks to himself.

Seems everyone decided to be outside, the sidewalk is packed but almost all are going in the opposite direction, most people walk towards him, protecting themselves from the wind looking down at the sidewalk, just as he was doing before he decided to watch them all instead. Couple after couple, walking past him. Most walk quietly, sometimes holding hands but some talk or laugh at each other. Elia pays attention at how they interact. It’s amazing how you can get a sense of a person, of a couple just by noticing the small movements, reactions they allow you to see for the few seconds you interact with them in the street. It’s all so fascinating to Elia, couple dynamics that is. It’s what he mostly observes when he is people watching, at least it has been ever since Marti started dating Nico. Seeing them act so in love has a certain effect on him. Elia resents them for this. He had been fine before, but now, watching them together makes him wonder if deep inside he craves to experience something similar. Maybe a serious relationship will provide that spark he sees in others that he feels is missing in him. Maybe, but honestly, who knows.

_And it doesn’t really matter right now,_ Elia thinks to himself as he walks up to the building. _Right now the important thing is to do this quickly and go back home and relax._

Elia looks up at the building number and doubles check the building address on his phone one last time before ringing the bell. Apartment 21, he searches for the button and rings it.

No answer.

_Shit, maybe Luchino was right and Ele is not home. I should’ve checked before coming all the way here._ Elia wonders if he should wait or leave.

Elia waits a little bit and rings it again. Immediately he hears a loud buzzer, which startles him, as the door unlocks. Elia quickly opens it before it locks again. Now what should he do? Someone just buzzed him in, no idea if it was Ele or not. Was it even the correct apartment? No one really said anything over the intercom, they didn’t even let Elia explain who he was or why he was there.

Elia heads towards the staircase. He walks up each step slowly, as he double, triple checks the address and apartment number on his phone. Eventually he reaches the door for apartment 21.

“Uhm…” Elia takes his hand out of his coat and knocks on the door. Inside he hears loud footsteps coming towards him, the door flies open.

It’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation then, and he has been hoping to see him again, and now he is finally seeing him again.

_Why is he here?_ The surprise of not seeing Ele made him forget for a second that Filippo is her brother, of course he could be there. Filippo is still standing by the door, holding what it looks like a hot frying pan and a kitchen towel on his shoulder as he balances a wooden spoon on his other hand.

“Hey, Elia right?” Filippo said, out of breath. “I saw it was you on the intercom and just buzzed you in. Are you meeting Ele here?”

“Uhmmm, not really.” Elia beings to explain “Actually, I’m just here to pick up Silvia’s history notes.”

“Eh? What?” Filippo looks confused. “Why would they be her- oh never mind, come on in. Hurry, the food is going to burn.” Filippo grabs Elia from his coat and pulls him in.

“Come over here, what were you saying again?” Filippo yells, already inside the kitchen. Elia follows his voice and is greeted by the messiest kitchen he’s ever seen.

“What happened here?” Elia asks shocked.

“Oh shush, it’s not that bad” Filippo rolls his eyes as he tries to stir three different pots at the same time. “Pass me that thing over there please”

“What thing?” Elia genuinely asks, looking at the pile of kitchen utensils all over the place. “The whole kitchen is full of things.”

“That” Filippo points with his chin towards the table. “That thing, you know, the one that cuts the cheese.”

“A knife?” Elia laughs loudly, searching for a knife in the pile of things on the table.

“No, not a knife…” Filippo replies annoyed. “As if I wouldn’t know what a knife is. Do you honestly think I would be so bad at cooking I wouldn’t know what a knife is? Don’t answer that.” Filippo chuckles. “Come on, you know, that thing over there. Elia! I would get it myself but I’m stirring three pots at the same time! See, that’s how good of a chef I am. I’m actually cooking three different things at the same time. Oh come on Elia, it’s that thing by the corner.”

“Oh this”, Elia teasingly says holding a cheese grater in his hand. “You meant the grater?”

“Yes, the _grater_ ,” Filippo replies, mocking Elia. “Yes, that. Please give it to me.”

Elia laughs whilst walking towards Filippo and hands him the grater.

“Ok, wait. I only have two hands.” Fillipo says handing Elia the three wooden spoons he had been using. “Help me please. Styr this as I find the chees. It has to be here somewhere,” Filippo looks for it, pushing everything on sight.

“Oh, I saw a grocery bag on the floor underneath the table” Elia says from the stove. “Did you buy it today? Maybe it’s in that bag.”

Filippo rushes to look under the table. “Yes! Here it is. The cheese and the chicken nuggets.”

“Aren’t you supposed to store those in the freezer if you’re not cooking them?” Elia asks, raising an eyebrow.

Filippo stands up and smiles at Elia holding the chicken nuggets, “Well, you could if you didn’t know any better, but as you could see from seeing me work my magic in the kitchen for these past minutes, I’m a professional chef and I know it’s safe to unfreeze them in a plastic bag on the floor.”

They both laugh. 

“So, are you having a dinner party for twenty people or something?” Elia asks, gesturing at all the pots and pans in the stove, as Filippo walks towards him.

“No, I’m not cooking for twenty people Elia” Filippo pretends to be annoyed. “Actually, it’s just for me and Ele. If you really want to know she’s mad at me because I ate her food again so I decided to cook all her favorite dishes today so we can have dinner together.”

“Oh, that’s a nice gesture,” Elia says smiling at Filippo.

Filippo smiles back as he grates some cheese into a tomato sauce. “I don’t know what she’s been saying about me but I’m actually a great brother.”

“Oh, I’m sure you are a better brother than a roommate. Considering you eat her food.” Elia jokes.

Filippo throws a bit of cheese at him, laughing.

“You come to my house, interrupt me whilst I’m cooking just to insult me!?” Filippo grins at Elia.

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry!” Elia covers his face. “Stop throwing food at me, you’re just gonna make an even bigger mess.”

Filippo groans loudly and throws the cheese back on the table.

“Ugh… I’m going to need to clean this up, aren’t I?” Filippo complains tilting his head back dropping the grater on the floor.

Elia chuckles, “Don’t be so dramatic Filippo.”

Filippo opens his eyes and looks at Elia with a mischievous smile. “Unless…”

Elia stops stirring the pots and turns towards Filippo.

“Unless what…” Elia asks nervously.

“Well, as you know, I let you in, because I’m so nice, and you came here to, one, insult my cooking abilities and second, insult me as a brother. So I think you should help me cook and clean.”

Elia pretends to be annoyed at the idea of helping Filippo out.

“Elia please help me, I can’t do this on my own today. Look at this – look at me – I’m a mess!” Filippo begged, tugging on Elia’s coat.

“Fine,” Elia laughs, “fine, fine. I’ll stay and help you.”

Filippo flashes him a huge grin. Elia replies with a soft smile before turning back to concentrate on the pots in the stove, unaware that Filippo has walked out of the kitchen.

“So, what do you need me to do Filippo?” Elia asks looking at the stove. “Filippo?”

Elia realizes then that Filippo is not in the kitchen anymore.

“Filippo! I won’t do this all by myself” Elia yells out the kitchen.

Filippo appears by the door again, now wearing a scarf and a coat.

“Yes! I know… I just need to go out and buy some things I forgot. I’ll be right back!”

“No, no, you can’t just leave me here. I don’t even know what you’re cooking or where everything is!” Elia exclaims as Filippo is heading out the door again. “Filippo, come back!”

Filippo sticks his face inside the kitchen.

“What?” he asks.

“I said I don’t know what you’re cooking or where everything is. You can’t go,” Elia repeats annoyed.

“Oh, I heard you, just relax. Besides you seem to know what you’re doing and everything we own is either on the table or on the floor. See, I already did you the favor of taking it all out of the drawers so you could find them easily. Chill Elia, I’ll be right back. I just need to buy dessert and, fine… it was going to be a surprise, but since you ruined it by complaining so much, I am planning on also buying a few bottles of wine so we can drink them to celebrate after we’re done cooking. Are you happy now?”

Elia smiles, his back towards Filippo. “Ok, ok, go.”

“Great! I’ll be right back, 15 minutes tops. Don’t go anywhere,” Filippo yells as he closes the front door.

Elia puts on the apron hanging by the door and smiles. He is not planning on going anywhere.


	7. The Broken Bottle

Is there a better feeling in the world that falling softly on a huge comfy couch, warm from the small winter rays coming through the window, after having a big home cooked meal? Elia didn’t think so. At least he couldn’t come up with a better feeling right now as he laid back, staring at the living room ceiling, the apartment still filled by the smell of the rich vegetable pasta he just finished for lunch. A smell that reminds him of a regular childhood weekend, before his parents’ divorce, before his mother moved away and his father decided to spend every moment he could working. Now Elia has been basically left completely alone. Now the standard weekend is one where Elia wakes up late, hungover and alone. Freedom is nice, but when you don’t have some people to share it with, this much freedom can feel overwhelming at times. So due to the lack of company long naps and video games help Elia pass the time. At least they usually do, but lately, he hasn’t been able to relax; there’s always something on his mind. His head is constantly filled with passing thoughts he can’t quite shut down unless he’s completely occupied on something, on sports and parties mostly. Elia went out yesterday, he deserved it after a week of intense studying. It was an alcohol filled night that left him with hazy memories, dry mouth and an extremely bad morning headache. Yes, last night was fun, but it wasn’t life changing, only predictable and boring. When he goes out parties, people, situations change but it’s always the same result: he enjoys himself but eventually he notices again that something feels off and, as quickly as they left, the thoughts return. That’s always his cue to leave and go home to sleep because if he’s not quick enough, they keep him up all night, like they have been for the past few weeks. 

_Why don’t I feel happy? Why do I feel so alone if I’m always around a great group of friends that I trust and love? Why do I feel so empty at these parties? Am I the only one who feels this lost? Who feels so confused about what he wants and needs?_

At times it seems like a meaningless thing to think about, but most of the time it does worry him quite a bit. What exactly is missing? What is he actually worried about? He genuinely has no idea. Sometimes he feels like talking to someone about it but he doesn’t even know how to explain himself, he never really learned how to. Either way, how do you express the need of something you know how you desire? How do you strive to get what you want when you can’t recognize what that is yet? Who knows…

But surprisingly, today is being a good day after all and Elia plans on keeping it like that. He sighs as he notices how silent it is; the apartment is quiet and he’s all alone. A feeling of uneasiness begins to creep its way inside of him. He had a good, busy morning but now the silence in the apartment begins to dawn on him. It’s usually in these quiet, motionless moments when the dark thoughts just crawl back to torment him, unless he quickly finds something to keep his mind off of it.

 _Gio_ , Elia thinks to himself.

Gio is busy though, he told Elia just a few hours ago, when they met at the park, that he and Martino were going to work on a school project in the afternoon and Elia remembers that Lucchino has a family thing today.

 _Ugh… Luca might be busy but maybe he wants to come over after he’s done with the family event._ Elia is considering calling but, in the end, decides against it. Gio and Marti are definitely closer and Elia is certain they won’t object to hangout instead of doing more school work. Elia grabs his phone and dials Gio’s number as he sits up, consciously synchronizing his breath with each ring to keep himself calm.

 _He will pick up,_ Elia thinks reassuring himself.

“Hello?” Gio answers the phone.

“Hey Gio”, Elia replies.

“Why are you calling me? We literally saw each other less than two hours ago. Do you miss me that bad?” Gio jokes.

“Who is it?” Marti asks in the background.

“It’s Elia,” he hears Gio answer Marti.

“Oh, my friend the kleptomaniac.” Marti says laughing. Gio joins in too. That’s has been his new nickname for Elia ever since he began taking Marti’s phone by accident because he drunkenly mistakes it for his own, like it happened last night.

“Shut up Marti!” Elia replies, pretending to be annoyed. “It was an accident and I gave your phone back as quickly as I could.”

“Elia says he didn’t mean to take it”, Gio tells Martino, who is still laughing.

“This is the fourth time he does this; I don’t know what to believe anymore”, Marti replies.

“Haha tell him I’m sorry again”, Elia tells Gio.

“He knows you’re sorry Elia, he’s just joking around”, Gio laughs. “So, what’s up Elia? How’s it going?”

 _How’s it going?_ Elia repeats in his mind. He sits up and looks out the window; the sky is grey again.

“It’s ok, I was just starting to get really bored and I wanted to see if you guys wanted to hang out. I’m all alone again this weekend, maybe we could play some video games or something?” Elia finally answers. 

“I’m down to hang out, I have no plans for tonight I think”, Gio pauses, “Marti are you busy tonight? Elia wants to hang out.”

“Yeah! Sounds like fun. I made plans to sleep at Nico’s tonight but I think he prefers if I show up late because he has to study and apparently, I can be a distraction.” Marti is in too. Elia feels relieved, he can’t handle being alone today.

“Elia” Gio says. “Marti can hang out too. Why don’t you come over in about two hours? At around 19:30? We can have some drinks here; my mom is going out with some friends. We can go to a pub later after that”

“Yeah! That sounds perfect!” Elia replies excited. It’s just what he needs. “I can steal some wine from my house and bring it over.”

“Mmm wine? Can you steal some vodka maybe? Haha” Gio jokes. “I just feel like drinking something stronger than wine.”

Elia laughs.

“Yeah haha I don’t think I have vodka but I can bring the wine and buy something at the store.”

“Oh! That’s perfect Elia!” Gio exclaims. “We’ll see you here later then! Bye”

“Bye!”

Well, problem solved. A night drinking with the boys will keep him entertained for sure. He just needs to wait two more hours. He can do that right? Elia lays back down on the couch, to his left is the tv.

 _Video games? A movie?_ He exhales.

The large glass window is right in front of him, the sky as grey and cloudy as it was ten minutes ago but the small ray of light is still warming up the end of the couch. Elia sits up and looks out the window, the sky is clearing to his right. It seems the wind is moving the clouds and letting the last bit of daylight warm up Rome. He wonders if he should take advantage of this and go outside. It’s all so quiet inside, the usual desolate house he now knows to well. There’s still more than an hour and half before they’re expecting him at Gio’s house, but maybe walking there, instead of taking the bus, will help kill the time. He looks out the window again, the clearing in the distance looks big and it’s fast approaching him.

“I’ll go out”, he decides, stating it out loud. Shoes, coat, a tote bag with two wine bottles and he’s out the door. There’s a liquor store close to his house, just two blocks away, left of the small park where he goes to sit during the summer to people watch; he could buy Gio’s vodka there but there was a sale at the supermarket he visited after the football match though, so supermarket it is. It’s in the opposite directing to Gio’s house but its only four blocks away from his house so it’s ok. He begins to walk, tote bag on his left hand. One block later the tote bag is in his right one, it feels heavy. Maybe he should’ve taken smaller wine bottles or maybe he shouldn’t be hungover and tired. By the time he’s about to leave the supermarket, after buying two big vodka bottles for the price of one and putting them inside that same tote bag, he is regretting the decision of walking to Gio’s. It’s at least a 45-minute walk there, he doesn’t know if he’s up for it anymore.

 _I’ll just take the bus and wait on the bench outside his house for a little bit,_ Elia thinks to himself.

Instead of turning back to his house, he turns right towards the closest bus stop a few blocks away. He takes a bottle out to balance the weight better and starts walking, holding it in one hand. The heavy tote bag is in the other one, the clinking sound of the glass bottles moving inside is synchronized with each step he takes. It’s getting windy again, at times it feels strong, he feels like its pushing him back. Outside almost everyone is walking towards him, probably heading home after spending some time at the park where he met up with Gio in the morning. Couple after couple, walking right past Elia. Most just walk quietly, sometimes holdings hands. Some talk, or laugh at each other. It’s amazing how you can get a sense of a person, of a couple just by noticing the small movements, reactions they allow you to see for the few seconds you interact in the street. It’s all so fascinating to him, couple dynamics that is. It’s what he mostly observes when he is people watching, at least it has been ever since Marti started dating Nico. Seeing them act so in love has a certain effect on him. Elia resents them for this. He had been fine before, but now, watching them together makes him wonder if deep inside he craves to experience something similar. Maybe a serious relationship will provide that spark he sees in others that he feels is missing in him.

 _Is that what I really want deep down?_ Elia wonders. _All these people seem happy, are they happy because they have partners? Families?_

He walks automatically, just staring at the bus stop in the distance, eyes not really focusing on anything. He’s too busy thinking of all those people to concentrate on what he’s doing. Too busy to realize that in a few seconds, when he reaches the corner of the block, someone in a hurry will collide with him as they turn the corner.

Elia gets hit on his right side, making him trip and fall back. Instinctively he reaches out, hoping to hold onto something that will prevent his fall. The vodka bottle slips out of his hand in the process. As he hears it loudly breaking his fingers manage to grab the person’s coat and they take Elia by the shoulders, pulling him up, saving the other bottles inside the tote bag in the process.

Elia looks up, it’s Filippo.

His heart skips a beat. Elia has been crushing on him ever since he saw him at the Christmas party. He never mustered the courage to start a conversation then, and he has been hoping to see him again, and now it’s finally happening.

He’s breathing heavily, maybe from the jump scare, maybe from feeling Filippo’s hands holding him up. Their faces only some centimeters away from each other. He’s just as handsome up close as he remembers from watching him from a few meters at the Christmas party.

“Elia!” Filippo blurts out, the words escaping from his mouth in surprise.

 _He knows my name,_ Elia thinks to himself. He remains quiet, still holding on to his coat.

“I’m so sorry Elia! I’m such an idiot.” Filippo profusely apologizes, his hands still under Elia’s arms.

Elia lets go of Filippo’s coat and looks down at the broken glass on the floor. Filippo suddenly realizes what has happened and he lifts up his hands and covers his face in shame.

“I just ran out to buy some dessert for a dinner tonight but I left some stuff still cooking on the hot stove and I didn’t check if someone was turning the corner too. I’m so sorry! Are you ok? What did I break?” Filippo stops talking and looks directly at Elia’s eyes, waiting for an answer.

“Uhmm, yeah, yeah I’m fine. It’s ok really. It was a vodka bottle, for Gio. I’m going there to hang out with the guys and Gio wanted vodka. I just had wine at home but I bought two bottles just now. I still have one so it’s all good.” Elia nervously replies, unable to look at Filippo for more than two seconds at a time.

“No, its not -all good- Elia. I will make it up to you.” Filippo, with one hand snatches the tote bag from Elia and with the other he takes Elia by the hand, pulling him in the direction he was coming from.

“Uh, what, wait-“ Elia beings to stutter. Filippo turns around and smiles, making Elia stop on his tracks.

“Walk with me to my apartment so I can give you a new bottle as an apology.” Filippo explains, still smiling, still holding his hand.

Elia looks down at their hands and pulls his out slowly. “It’s ok Filippo, I got the second one for free at the store. Besides I need to catch the bus soon so I’m not late.”

“Oh come on Elia” Filippo complains. “I feel so bad for breaking it and don’t worry about the bus, I can drive you there. It’s like 20 minutes, away right? I dropped Marti off this morning at Gio’s, I know how to get there.”

Filippo is standing in front of him, facing Elia straight on, with a mischievous grin on his face.

“See! You have no valid excuses now” Filippo says laughing. “Now come on, it’s just a block away.”

Filippo turns around and starts walking quickly. Elia chuckles and sprints to catch up.

“I- I can take this” Elia tries to take the tote bag from Filippo’s hand but he refuses.

“No, no. Let me please, it’s the least I can do. Besides we’re almost there.” Filippo points to the building a few meters away. “There, see. It’s close but we should hurry, I left a few pots on the stove.”

“Oh shit” Elia laughs.

They pick up their pace and are inside the apartment in no time. Just like Elia’s apartment a few hours ago, you could smell the tomato sauce from the door. Filippo runs to the kitchen, putting the tote bag on the living room couch on the way there. Elia follows him into the messiest kitchen he’s ever seen.

“What happened here?” Elia asks shocked.

“Oh shush, it’s not that bad” Filippo rolls his eyes as he takes three different pots from the stove, turning off the gas. “Now I just need to put this in containers and clean up a little bit.”

“A little bit?” Elia teases from the door. “I can’t even walk inside from all the stuff on the floor!”

Filippo laughs. “It’s not that bad”, he repeats. “Besides this sauce is the best tomato sauce you’ve ever known. I can’t waste my time keeping everything in their place when I’m making magic with food!”

Elia rolls his eyes but laughs. Filippo smiles proudly looks at Elia, happy his joke landed.

“So, are you having a dinner party for twenty people or something?” Elia asks, gesturing at all the pots and pans in the stove, as Filippo walks towards him.

“No, I’m not cooking for twenty people Elia” Filippo pretends to be annoyed. “Actually, it’s just for me and Ele. If you really want to know she’s mad at me because I ate her food again so I decided to cook all her favorite dishes today so we can have dinner together.”

“Oh, that’s a nice gesture,” Elia says smiling at Filippo.

Filippo smiles back as he starts picking up things from the floor. “I don’t know what she’s been saying about me but I’m actually a great brother.”

Elia jokingly shrugs his shoulders, acting as if he doesn’t believe Filippo.

“Can you please help me clean instead of teasing me?” Filippo loudly complains.

“Fine fine” Elia bends down and starts helping him out. “Oh look, your phone.”

Elia hands Filippo his phone, it was under a bag full of onions.

“Oh! I was wondering where that was!” Filippo grabs it and reads some messages.

“Hey, I refuse to do all the work Filippo!” Elia yells from under the kitchen table.

“Is Silvia going to be there?” Filippo asks out of the blue, taking Elia by surprise. He peeks his head out from under the table.

“Silvia? Where? At Gio’s? No, she won’t be there, why do you ask?” Elia inquires with a confused look on his face.

“She texted earlier about leaving some history notes here, or something. I figured if you were seeing her later today you could give it her.” Filippo explained.

“Oh, I see. But no, she won’t be there.” Elia says, picking up more spoons from the floor and setting them on the table.

“It’s ok, she said someone will come pick them up tomorrow morning.” Filippo replies as he looks from side to side unsure on where he should clean next. The kitchen really is a complete mess.

“Ok, I know!” He suddenly yells. “You seem to be good at picking up things form the floor quickly. So how about this, hear me out.”

Elia stands up and looks at him with a funny look on his face.

“Don’t make that face Elia!” Filippo laughs. “Ok, so how about this. You can keep on cleaning, I will grab the new vodka bottle, plate some of the food and set it on the dining room so we can have a quick dinner. It’s so good I promise! I am sure you will like my cooking. It's the least I can do after what I caused and as a thank you for helping me clean. We have time to kill anyway, at least 35-40 minutes before I drive you to Gio’s.”

Elia is silent but can’t control the huge grin on his face. On one hand he’s smiling because the idea of spending some time with Filippo sounds perfect and on the other the nerve Filippo has to manipulate him into cleaning in exchange of food is hilarious.

Elia can see in Filippo’s face that he’s aware that Elia won’t be able to say no to him. He has that smug grin only a competitive person who has just won something would have. 

“Ugh, you’re so annoying, Maritino has been right about you all along.” Elia laughs as Filippo throws him a kitchen towel. “Fine, fine, I’ll clean and you can set up the table.”

Filippo runs out the door as soon as Elia agreed to the new plan. Elia takes out his phone and looks at the time: it’s 18:51. They don’t really have much time though.

To Gio: Hey Gio! I’m running a little bit late, I will get there around 20:15, ok?

Elia puts his phone down and begins to pick everything up in record time. He pushes everything he finds inside the first cabinet he finds and calls out to Filippo.

“I’m done!”

Elia is standing by the stove, waiting for Filippo to come back. Ten seconds later and he’s hasn’t answered yet.

“Filippo!” Elia yells impatiently.

“Elia!” Filippo replies. “Come here, dinner is served!”

Elia smiles and heads out the kitchen towards the dining table by the entrance. Filippo is holding out a chair for Elia to sit down.

Elia walks over grinning, not breaking eye contact. He laughs as he sits down. Filippo pushes the chair and grabs his plate to serve him some pasta. He follows Filippo’s every move with his eyes. He serves them pasta, pours the sauce, he fills up their glasses with water and eventually sits down next to him. They smile at each other.

 _How did I end up here?_ Elia wonders, feeling butterflies inside his stomach.

Right now he is not sure how, and honestly, he doesn’t care. He’s just happy he’s here.


End file.
